#$%^@^^%%$#@!!

About six weeks ago I started a gluten-free, sugar-free (except fruit), coffee-free and alcohol-limited diet, guided by my naturopath and with the hopes to finally clear my skin. I’ve never had a pimple when on one of the many candida cleanses I’ve done, so this seemed like the right way to go.

My skin was. . . . .

beautiful! clear! I didn’t even need to wear make-up! And, I stopped even cleansing my face (!!!). It felt liberating and I was very happy.

Why am I speaking in the past tense, you ask?

Because about two weeks ago grew a bit complacent and I suppose a bit cocky, and I started relaxing my diet. I’d never call myself an emotional eater, but after being in and out of the doctor’s office/the ER with my toddler son due to a bad bought with the flu, I ate a few of my mom’s delicious homemade muffins. Chalk full of flour and sugar. But my skin was a-ok. It stayed clear.

Clear skin, yay!!

Last Thursday, I just caved and ate another muffin (bought from a cafe), a piece of chocolate, two chocolate chip cookies and a handful of soda crackers (I don’t even like soda crackers). Why? I couldn’t even tell you why, I think I just thought I deserved it and my skin would be able to handle it.

I was so wrong.

I’m on day 6 of dealing with a massive (comparatively) breakout on my chin. I have three cystic pimples, and about 10 spots of inflammation. And it’s driving my CRAZY. I feel like a failure and I can feel myself wanting to withdraw from social activities and even meetings at work. Why didn’t I stick with my diet? Why do I feel invincible when my skin is clear, and instantly forget how painful it is when I get a big breakout? Why is my body betraying me like it is? Why do I care so much?

These are heavy questions, and I obviously have a lot of healing to do emotionally when it comes to my acne. I am so obsessed with having flawless skin, that it is affecting my psyche. And, really, when you truly look at my face, it has come soooooo far from where it was a year ago. I need to focus on that and how much I’ve healed my body this year, and not on this minor (very minor) setback. And perhaps be thankful for these very clear signals that gluten, and refined sugar, are really bad for me. My body can’t handle them.

The pimples will heal. But when will the scars?